I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
