do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
