Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
