You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
