I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
BRING THE BAGELS
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
