hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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