I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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