When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
