she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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