I skipped work to stalk him.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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