I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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