i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
he thought i was a dude.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
