Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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