Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
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