I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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