Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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