I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
