you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
