3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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