I can't breathe out the right side of my face
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
