Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I think I have vodka in my lungs
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
