just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
