So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Randomize
