Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
