I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
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