Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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