you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
