I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Randomize
