i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
