If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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