glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
