I can't breathe out the right side of my face
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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