I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
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