Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
