Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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