STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
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