Quick, to the slutcave!
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
