Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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