it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Randomize
