Already got asked if we're dating
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
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