my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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