I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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