I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
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