i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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