Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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