Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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