Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
My day in three words: secret purse cake
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
