Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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