foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
