my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
